-
Area Man Procrastinates
My yard is a bonanza of color. The Autumn Blaze Maple has turned tangerine red, the Ash supernova yellow. Bright…
More -
Area Man Accomplishes Nothing
I had good intentions for the day and made great looking do-to list. But as the sun dips down behind…
More -
Area Man Forgets What He Was Doing
I walk into the room and stop. What did I come in here for? It must have been something. But…
More -
Area Man Discovers Something Awful In His Refrigerator
Tupperware can hide in the back of my fridge for weeks, forming colorful fungal blooms inside them like little science…
More -
Area Man Has Wardrobe Malfunction
I’m pulling a garden hose around my lawn like Bill Murray when I feel a cool breeze moving between my…
More -
Area Man Notices His Own Body Odor
At least I don’t have Covid, I think to myself, lifting the armpit of my old sweater up to my…
More -
Area Man Makes Excellent Small-talk
I’m an expert in small-talk. At Whole Foods today the clerk couldn’t tell the difference between my cucumber and my…
More -
Area Man Can’t Fall Back To Sleep
It’s almost three in the morning when I wake up and begin thinking, which is always a bad idea. Every…
More -
Area Man Can’t Find His Cat
I’m sure he’s in the house, since he’s a scaredy cat, and the doorbell scared the shit out him, let…
More -
Area Man Saves Bug
I’m an agent of kindness, I tell myself. When I see a Praying Mantis in my hallway I think this…
More